Unconditional Love.

I was taken by surprise that I’ve never expected myself to yearn for your presence in my life

It’s too short in period of time as I found myself couldn’t stand still waiting for some replies from you

As now I believed and realized that warmth feelings can happen in the blink of an eye

And know that, it ain’t about others, because it is indeed, about you, the real you that has managed to gain my trust, and earn my respect.

It’s true when people say that love is developed, because by having you in my life was like having so much happiness in my two hands, belitting my hands.

The happiness that you brought into my life is a happiness no one could describe in any manner. No possibility at all.

I am grateful to have you in my existence, not only did you save me from drowning myself into a sadness that might have taken my life but you brightened the darkest parts of my soul that none other could desire to think of even doing it.

The vibe is different, the best writing is certainly when you are in love.


F.R

Menerima.

Cinta berputik tanpa sedar akan kehadirannya,
datang tanpa diundang,
pergi tanpa disuruh.

Fikiranku, hatiku, dan nafsuku
tidak sehaluan seperti yang diaturkan oleh-Nya,
menindas segala kesempurnaan yang hanya pas kabur di mata hati dan mata akal.

Benar atau salah jua pun tidak ada jawapan,
bongkak aku menganggapnya ia bertitik noktah,
malangnya ia bersisakan koma.

Berjalan, berlari, merangkak,
aku buntu soal motif dan makna sebenar hidup di zaman fitnah lagi di dunia fana ini.

Segalanya sudah aku lalui,
merasi satu penghunjung kebahagiaan,
bertahan lalu melepaskan setiap saat dan detik manis yang sementara aku kecapi.

Ikhwal cinta dan perasaan bukan yang esensial,
kerana pangkalnya aku celik,
bahwa, “Love comes when you least expect it”.

Menunggu dan terus menunggu,
seperti menanti sesuatu yang tiada kepastian,
pengharapan terkubur bertimbuskan beribu persoalaan,
menadah tangan bertakungkan air mata,
mewadahi menerima jawapan yang tidak aku inginkan.

Tapi sadar di mindaku,
suatu permulaan pasti wujud penghujungnya,
sebagaimana pertemuan berpasangan dengan perpisahan,
kerna jalan itu hak-Nya dan bukan padaku.


F.R

It has no basis in truth.

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Tonight.. I have no clear idea what am I supposed to write, but the enthusiasm to talk about something has gotten into me to at least express my sorrow emotions, even me myself couldn’t be sure what it is. It feels like something is missing. I’m working hard, trying to get ahead, doing everything that I possibly can make my sorta lifeless just a little bit better. You know, the “basic” thing that I’m trying to do now, is to keep it all balanced, though.

Well, prolly I’ve got it all figured out. Through exercising to get fitter, eating right, or maybe by spending time with friends and family. But, except for that one stupid thing that keeps tugging at my heart. Which I don’t really know what it is, but it is there, and it is driving me a little crazy.

It is often mistaken as unhappiness, fatigue, depression, or being stuck in a rut. Some people will go off and do wild vacations, simply to try to discover if those activities settle the strange, inexplicable emptiness they feel inside. When they return to the real world, though, the problem is still there, still nagging at them. Yes, that’s literally how I feel inside.

I’ve laid in bed wondering what could be missing and wishing that I could afford to take an exotic vacation. It is easy to get caught up in trying to fill that void with things that will only temporarily bring happiness, instead of finding things that touch your soul and bring a smile to your heart forever.

Yet, the mysterious thing that is pulling at me, leaving myself to feel empty and unfulfilled in a life that would, from the outside, it seems all but amazing?

Perhaps, it’s the pursuit of happiness.

I am reminded that life is about reaching out to others, especially those who are hurting and needing help. Showing others love, kindness, and generosity is a humbling experience that has made me feel more connected with the world and those who live in it. Serving others is the best way to fill that, “Something is missing” feeling.


F.R

She’s my everything.

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You took me as I am. You learned to deal with my bullshit. I know I am a difficult, hard person to handle at times, yet, in spite of that, you still stick around. There were days when I was moody and grouchy for no apparent reason, but you never once let me get in the way of our mother-daughter relationship. You are one and only, whose presence in my life truly means the world to me. You are my mother, you are my father, you are my sister, and you are my good friend too.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for accepting me the way I am without having ever judged me, and thank you for always being there.

I love you, Mama.

Circles.

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We ignore the red flags, fall for the same lies
We see a bit of our past in our present
But convince ourselves it’ll be different
We daydream that this time it’ll turn out right
It all comes to a head
At the same place we’ve once been
Broken and confused
Gasping at straws of rationalization
We love, we hurt, we lose
We forget to heal, to learn, to grow
We move forward, but we never really break the cycle

Such a scary thought ever.

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Of all things you’ve ever told me. I’ve never listened to this and my stubborn head keeps striving for perfection. I have to keep paddling as hard as I can, just to stay above water. It takes everything I got. However, I’ve got to admit, in some ways. I realized, I relied on that, someone… to keep me thinking, keep me striving to do better, keep me from burying my head and, praying all worked out. It was and still is, my Mom.

Every time I hear about a friend losing his Mom, although I haven’t been in such a situation, but it’s enough to make me cry. It’s a very poignant reminder to me that one fine day, I will lose my Mom too. That can be a very scary thought, when it happens… No no, I can’t think of anything.

You know, our life is sooo fragile. So be grateful for what you have now, because at any moment, any blessings can be taken away from you. Praise Him that He lets you have them for however long that He lets you have them for. Because it’s better to have had it then lost it, rather than never to have had it at all. Be borne in the mind, God owns everything. He owns it all, He may give and He may also take it away, He is the almighty. The blessing was never yours in the first place, stop acting like you own stuff, He just lets you use what has always been his. So, stay humble.

Many people never had the privilege of having a Mom as great as mine. I’ve been very blessed. I know I wouldn’t have made it this far without my Mom. I’m greatful for my Mom. And I know I couldn’t be able to pay it back. But there’s a power in just one light, light of encouragement, faith, positivity and love, that can spark a fire of strives and that can change the whole world, your world.

All of us are running a relay and I feel as though every time someone who is close to us passes away, it’s like they reach out to us with their baton, wanting us to keep moving forward and living the life happily. Because we are not here to stay, forever. We are just passing through. Tomorrow, we will be gone. It’s uncertain…

So let’s live, let’s love, let’s grab the baton and let’s run on!


F.R

Independent.

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I don’t know how to express myself when it comes to this subject. Some of my friends do ask me if I need their company, I am free to call them, so that I don’t feel lonely.

Honestly and truthfully, I’ve never felt lonely at all, every time I do everything all alone by myself. This doesn’t define who is the real me, people might think that I’m socially awkward or such an anti-social person or friendless, etc. The truth is, I am not (occasionally or rarely I am, however, it depends on the situation or the people I interface with).
Well, I couldn’t agree more that, we may and can not be able to make babies alone. It is just, I somehow find myself choosing to do things alone rather than inviting others to join in, because I feel more comfortable with myself doing things alone and I suppose I am more to being an unassisted person. Yes, this probably sounds like cocky.

Of course I do need people’s help in certain things that I am not capable to do, but yet, it doesn’t mean that I need them all the time. There’s certain time that you want to have catch-up sessions with your friends, and sometimes you don’t. There are two points stood out, whereby, I don’t feel like entertaining another because I feel enough for myself.

“In fact, I feel I’m perfectly entitled to simply not be in the mood to entertain someone through an activity or indulge in small talk.”

It’s not just that asking people is a hard thing for an introvert like me, but it often brings up the “excusative” side of people. Doing things on my own means I can do them at my own pace.

We all have different levels of maximum loneliness we can tolerate, and mine happens to be quite high. It’s not that I would mind hanging out with the right sort of people more, but all to often it takes so much trouble to set up meetings and such that it’s just easier to do things on my own.

When I go out somewhere alone, I can focus on the place. I can walk at my own pace. I can stop and linger over some detail that other people wouldn’t have any patience for.

Not even the loneliest of us can help being social. We are all interconnected. We all depend on each other in some way. You just can’t be lonely too long if you live in a community. Even the simple greeting of a neighbor that knows you only from sight will break through that loneliness and warm you up inside.

That’s why sometimes it’s better to just do what you want to do without worrying whether others will join you or not. Today there is a big emphasis on groups, teams, and communities. Even a big loner like me can understand the benefits of these. Why else would I be here, blogging?

But some of us do function well alone. Selective loneliness, which happens when we choose to be lonely over alternatives is not just one of the indulgences that us shy, introverted, quiet types can appreciate, but a simple pleasure we can give ourselves without second thoughts.

I have always loved my alone time, and I am grateful that I am comfortable enough in my own skin not to need company to feel secure. But yeah, I understand why extroverts would usually want to be with company. Every human being has the right to search for happiness they are comfortable with. And happiness here is meant, something that makes them and others feel content.


F.R