Here & Now.


Life is pretty good. Regardless the mornings, evenings and nights are indeed super-tough and nothing can mentally prepare you for that difficult season since my final semester is approaching. I couldn’t be happier to realise that I’ve survived for 3 years and a half living in Terengganu (which I’ve never been happy about that, whateverrrr)

Gosh I’ve missed writing my blog sooo much. Been so busy with stuff lately until I had no time at all to update new posts. It’s now 2018, and I’m so glad to say that 2017 was my happy year. I felt like I had it all figured out. I was almost right. I was starting to learn how I could be happier but it doesn’t apply to everyone. I am not happy all the time but I am very happy most of the time and that counts. I have succeeded in happiness. I am so, so happy. I have absolutely everything I could have wished for, and more. Love, family, pet, home, enough of everything. Life happened.

In the last year I really focused on finding out who I want to be and what I want to become. I started with dreams like: I want to open my own firm, I want to have my own cafe, I want to be a lawyer (this one was quite a change), or perhaps a newsreader. But I know for sure I’ll become a lawyer… That is not even everything but you know, I felt like I had to choose one thing and that would be it for the rest of my life. I realised I could do anything I want and then it was like being 15 all over again. Life is tough, especially my uni life, it is tough. So many options which I couldn’t be able to decide by my own. But indeed, I have realised that no matter what I start doing-it will lead me to the right path.

Yet, also in the last year, I found the happy side of me and the blunt side of life.

Many things can change in a few short months. Love happens when you least expect it. It’s definitely becoming a truth universally acknowledged that the best relationships do in fact begin unexpectedly, when you get that overwhelming feeling and everything happens so quickly, but at the same time everything feels so right. For want of a better word, expect the unexpected.

It really is amazing when someone comes into your life and you expect absolutely nothing out of it, but suddenly, right there in front of you, is everything you ever need. I suppose sometimes, you meet a person and you just click, you’re comfortable with them, like you’ve known them your whole life and you don’t have to pretend to be anyone or anything, you’re just you, because that’s how it should be.

Love has always seemed like a very complex process to me. Even as a woman who’s heavily involved (and interested might I add) in the dating industry, it seems that the majority of folk describe a whole manner of things that contribute to falling in love.

Love isn’t logical, it’s emotional. You don’t use your head when you fall in love, you use your heart.

You don’t choose to fall in love, it just happens, that’s why you “fall”. It catches you completely off guard and you find yourself feeling shocked, surprised but at the same time, stupidly happy.

What I’m trying to say, as always very inarticulately, is that you shouldn’t set out to find love, let love find you. I guess that’s why you shouldn’t really LOOK for love, it comes to you just at the right time, the time you never thought it would have…



Still alive.

“Once you learn to care, you can record images with your mind or on film. There is no difference between the two.”

Jarum jam terus bergerak,
Berputar mengikut waktu dan masa,
Tidak sekali terhenti jika bukan kerna baterinya yang rosak.

Berjalan, berlari masih perlu aku patuh,
Nafas diberi oleh-Nya hendaklah aku gunakan sebaiknya,
Mahupun nadiku betah dengan cara hidup fizikal ini.

Sadar di fikiranku hidup itu rumit,
Terikat tidak lekang dengan cara hidup generasi Y,
Kadangnya baik dan selalunya buruk,
Apakan daya itulah adat, walau tidak mandatori.

Kesempurnaan itu yang dikejarkan,
Walau pengakhiran kepuasannya hanya celik di mata,
Kagak di hati mahupun di akal si pelakunya.

Menjalani hidup ini dengan ikhlas,
Kemudian bahagia kelak harapnya,
Aku tahu,
Usah tunggu sempurnanya hidup untuk bahagia,
Kerana bahagia adalah pilihan hidup.

Pilihan dan keputusan kekal di tangan tuan badan,
Hidup tidak bahagia atau bahagia dalam seribu duka yang ada,
Seperti segala yang dimilikinya,
Seribu duka pun hanyalah titipan,
Yang bakal diambil jua kembali oleh Tuhan.



The more you wake up, the more you realize everything that’s happening is a sign. Books open at the right place when you’re beginning to become awake. You can be saved by messages you read in the sign of the road. You can be illumined by somebody sitting next to you in a bus and humming a folk song that goes straight to the core of your problem, because the whole world is divine and these signs are flashing out everywhere. That is the key to awakening.

Andrew Harvey

Embrace change.

Hey beautiful peeps, sorry for my absence but I’ve been busy with stuff. Anyway, it’s already August and soon yet another year has passed in a rapid speed and I feel as I get older so fast and I still have plenty of things I wanna do in my life. Do you get that feeling too? That life is too short for all those projects and dreams and wishes you have?

It’s true that time runs too fast and sometimes too slow as well. Though, it’s also true that a lot can happen in a year, good nor bad. People always say the best kind of relationships begin unexpectedly. When you get that astonished feeling and everything happens so suddenly. That’s why you don’t look for love, yet it comes to you just… at the right time. The time you never thought it would have. This doesn’t always relate to couples but as well as to other relationships.

Nevertheless, you also can’t change or have no power to change what has already happened. I believe and understand that people change and sometimes they’re no longer compatible with our lives. The rational thing to do is to accept it and move on. Because you know, you can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their actions.

After all, on this road called life, you have take the good with the bad, smile with the sad. Love what you got and remember what you had. Always forgive but never forget, learn from your mistakes. People change when they’ve had enough, things go wrong. But, just remember the ride goes on.



Unconditional Love.

I was taken by surprise that I’ve never expected myself to yearn for your presence in my life

It’s too short in period of time as I found myself couldn’t stand still waiting for some replies from you

As now I believed and realized that warmth feelings can happen in the blink of an eye

And know that, it ain’t about others, because it is indeed, about you, the real you that has managed to gain my trust, and earn my respect.

It’s true when people say that love is developed, because by having you in my life was like having so much happiness in my two hands, belitting my hands.

The happiness that you brought into my life is a happiness no one could describe in any manner. No possibility at all.

I am grateful to have you in my existence, not only did you save me from drowning myself into a sadness that might have taken my life but you brightened the darkest parts of my soul that none other could desire to think of even doing it.

The vibe is different, the best writing is certainly when you are in love.



Cinta berputik tanpa sedar akan kehadirannya,
datang tanpa diundang,
pergi tanpa disuruh.

Fikiranku, hatiku, dan nafsuku
tidak sehaluan seperti yang diaturkan oleh-Nya,
menindas segala kesempurnaan yang hanya pas kabur di mata hati dan mata akal.

Benar atau salah jua pun tidak ada jawapan,
bongkak aku menganggapnya ia bertitik noktah,
malangnya ia bersisakan koma.

Berjalan, berlari, merangkak,
aku buntu soal motif dan makna sebenar hidup di zaman fitnah lagi di dunia fana ini.

Segalanya sudah aku lalui,
merasi satu penghunjung kebahagiaan,
bertahan lalu melepaskan setiap saat dan detik manis yang sementara aku kecapi.

Ikhwal cinta dan perasaan bukan yang esensial,
kerana pangkalnya aku celik,
bahwa, “Love comes when you least expect it”.

Menunggu dan terus menunggu,
seperti menanti sesuatu yang tiada kepastian,
pengharapan terkubur bertimbuskan beribu persoalaan,
menadah tangan bertakungkan air mata,
mewadahi menerima jawapan yang tidak aku inginkan.

Tapi sadar di mindaku,
suatu permulaan pasti wujud penghujungnya,
sebagaimana pertemuan berpasangan dengan perpisahan,
kerna jalan itu hak-Nya dan bukan padaku.


It has no basis in truth.


Tonight.. I have no clear idea what am I supposed to write, but the enthusiasm to talk about something has gotten into me to at least express my sorrow emotions, even me myself couldn’t be sure what it is. It feels like something is missing. I’m working hard, trying to get ahead, doing everything that I possibly can make my sorta lifeless just a little bit better. You know, the “basic” thing that I’m trying to do now, is to keep it all balanced, though.

Well, prolly I’ve got it all figured out. Through exercising to get fitter, eating right, or maybe by spending time with friends and family. But, except for that one stupid thing that keeps tugging at my heart. Which I don’t really know what it is, but it is there, and it is driving me a little crazy.

It is often mistaken as unhappiness, fatigue, depression, or being stuck in a rut. Some people will go off and do wild vacations, simply to try to discover if those activities settle the strange, inexplicable emptiness they feel inside. When they return to the real world, though, the problem is still there, still nagging at them. Yes, that’s literally how I feel inside.

I’ve laid in bed wondering what could be missing and wishing that I could afford to take an exotic vacation. It is easy to get caught up in trying to fill that void with things that will only temporarily bring happiness, instead of finding things that touch your soul and bring a smile to your heart forever.

Yet, the mysterious thing that is pulling at me, leaving myself to feel empty and unfulfilled in a life that would, from the outside, it seems all but amazing?

Perhaps, it’s the pursuit of happiness.

I am reminded that life is about reaching out to others, especially those who are hurting and needing help. Showing others love, kindness, and generosity is a humbling experience that has made me feel more connected with the world and those who live in it. Serving others is the best way to fill that, “Something is missing” feeling.