Faint-hearted

“it hurts when you have

someone in your heart

but you can’t have them

in your arms…

-Unknown

Everything seems to be falling apart. The heart is broken, the mind keeps telling me no, the lust is playing tricks, but the facial expressions are always managed to conceal it. People are more prone to say that “they are okay” whilst the fact they are not, cliché nuff.

I keep on trying to convince myself that it is not a serious matter at all, to be thinking at 3am and find yourself in a world of complete despair. Yet I still do. It hurts inside, I have to admit it. Just tell me: was any of it real? Was it real when the time you asked me to stay, at the same time you advised me to steer clear of you. Was it real when everything slowly ceased and we both were acting like strangers, but deep inside it was like torturing your heart telling you not to care anymore while you’re in pain. Did it hurt? Did you try to get it back? Was there ever a point that you wanted me again but knew it was gonna be totes different, was it the difference that scared you? Was it me? Did you wait to tell me because you didn’t want the tears or much effort to pretend to care about? Did you chase the love when it ran for you? Or were you the one to open the door and ask it to leave the room? Only one simple question that keeps on running through my mind, the question where I’ve been wanting to ask you for so long, but I am afraid of the answer – just tell me, when did “i love her” stop being true?

Somehow I feel that one fine day, things will eventually get back to what it used to be. Where the time, only one effortless, plain and straightforward sentence that you will say is – “I’m leaving you”.

“After months of waking up loving you as much if not more than the night before I’ve realised you’re the one. My soul mate. So I’m leaving you because as it is, this will never work. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel in you – heaven in the palm of your hand – and I knew I wasn’t ready. We are not ready. My insides are still too twisted, you haven’t ticked enough boxes on your bucket list and I’m not willing to lose you over bad timing. I’m leaving you.” -Soul mates

F.R

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4 thoughts on “Faint-hearted

      1. Let me tell u something since u said ‘it’s not that easy’ thing. Saya pernah suka dekat sorang perempuan sejak darjah 6 tapi terputus hubungan sebab yelah dulu budak2 mana ada henfon bagai. Sejak dari tu saya cari dia sehinggalah saya jumpa dia balik masa umur saya 18. U know how happy i am. Someone that i’ve been searching for years and finally i found her. Yang paling best sekali my father and her father used to be friend before in navy and i’m like ‘wow me and her are destine to be together’. We spend our time together and she told me that she loves me and i confessed to her too. Kami berjanji untuk menunggu antara satu sama lain sampai masing masing habis belajar. I wait for her with high hopes. To make her as my wife. As a mother to my kids. Saya campak jauh jauh perasaan untuk menyukai perempuan lain. I never spoke to any girl when i with her. But my sacrifices have been taken for granted. I stalked dia punya fb and instagram. I found her with another man. Luluh gila hati ni. Kita bagi sepenuh hati dan perasaan untuk sayang kat dia tapi akhirnya dikhianati. Janji yang selama ni dibuat hanya sia-sia. Nak menangis tapi apakan daya orang dah tak sudi. Selepas apa yang terjadi i keep reminding myself maybe disebalik apa yang terjadi pasti ada balasan yang setimpal. Mungkin tuhan nak bagi yang lebih baik dari apa yang kita inginkan. So for u, please never cry, never waste your time for someone who never appreciate u like u do to them. U deserve someone better in your life, the one who can make u happy not keep breaking your heart. Adiosss. *sorry for the long comment

        Like

  1. Let me tell u something since u said ‘it’s not that easy’ thing. Saya pernah suka dekat sorang perempuan sejak darjah 6 tapi terputus hubungan sebab yelah dulu budak2 mana ada henfon bagai. Sejak dari tu saya cari dia sehinggalah saya jumpa dia balik masa umur saya 18. U know how happy i am. Someone that i’ve been searching for years and finally i found her. Yang paling best sekali my father and her father used to be friend before in navy and i’m like ‘wow me and her are destine to be together’. We spend our time together and she told me that she loves me and i confessed to her too. Kami berjanji untuk menunggu antara satu sama lain sampai masing masing habis belajar. I wait for her with high hopes. To make her as my wife. As a mother to my kids. Saya campak jauh jauh perasaan untuk menyukai perempuan lain. I never spoke to any girl when i with her. But my sacrifices have been taken for granted. I stalked dia punya fb and instagram. I found her with another man. Luluh gila hati ni. Kita bagi sepenuh hati dan perasaan untuk sayang kat dia tapi akhirnya dikhianati. Janji yang selama ni dibuat hanya sia-sia. Nak menangis tapi apakan daya orang dah tak sudi. Selepas apa yang terjadi i keep reminding myself maybe disebalik apa yang terjadi pasti ada balasan yang setimpal. Mungkin tuhan nak bagi yang lebih baik dari apa yang kita inginkan. So for u, please never cry, never waste your time for someone who never appreciate u like u do to them. U deserve someone better in your life, the one who can make u happy not keep breaking your heart. Adiosss. *sorry for the long comment

    Like

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