It’s like poisoning myself just to feel a high. And the root of the problem simply is not learning to be comfortable (and present) with myself. The typical philosopher would say “The solution to a lot of problems in life is just learning to be happy and content being on your own”. But, in reality, being your own worst enemy is just another way of shouting at the Universe. Yes, we can shout all we want, but at the end of the day, it’s nobody’s job or responsibility to love or take care of us, and relying on that is basically guaranteeing that at some point or another, someone else will deny us love, and we’ll be shit out of luck.
My life in a nutshell… stop being perfectionist. Be happy for what you have.